Transformational Pleasure

By Melissa Fritchle LMFT Holistic Sex Therapist and Educator

Pleasure : Your Mission Should You Choose to Accept It

I believe in transformational pleasure. I believe that when we experience moments of joy, awe, full body laugher, quaking orgasms, subtle sensations that infuse deeply into our tissues, beauty, we are healing ourselves.

I believe that our wounds are to be healed by a radically different experience, one that is grounded in the present moment, in an openness to our body’s buzz, and a knowing that we are deserving of full-on bliss. From a place of security in our right to exist and utilize every aspect of this physical, mental, emotional, spiritual life. Exploring our edges in a way that feels respectful and intriguing and tinged with wonder is medicine.  

I do believe in make love not war. And by that, I mean when we can connect to the amazing diverse world around us, in a fully embodied way, we will be kinder, more flexible, less afraid. When we turn towards others as our teachers and healers and exploratory playmates, we grow in juicy, vital ways. I believe the true north of pleasure doesn’t thrive on others hurt or fear, but in collaborative curiosity. When we allow ourselves to find happiness – from the deep plethora of options your happiness can reside in daily – we build a better world.

That doesn’t mean we ignore the battles. If we want a world in which we can all be fully embodied, our sexuality and pleasure honored, we have to fight for it. That is clear to those who are paying attention. But the people who are crafting restrictive, discriminatory, yes hateful, laws are not guided by pleasure. Pleasure is decidedly absent from their world view. Pleasure is frightening. And not just queer pleasure, or Latina pleasure, or differently-abled pleasure – but their own pleasure too. They are diminished by their own intolerance.

So I have decided that to fight back – to say I will not stand for a world of diminishment and fear of our full claim to our bodies – I have to put my pleasure out there. I must live a life that celebrates my pleasure and invites others into theirs. I must use all of my senses. I hone my skills in listening to my sensations so that they can guide me. I need to prioritize the care and feeding of my joy, even if the day only allows for a moment of letting a piece of chocolate melt on my tongue. I will take that moment.

I will dance barefoot, and place my belly on the warm dirt, and smell every flower in the display, not just the roses. I will touch my friends and listen to their breath as they tell me about their difficult day. I will let myself cry a full bodied cry, and then rise out of that into laughter. I will taste my own sweat and the heat I can create. I will masturbate often and infuse myself with the energy of my private enjoyment. I will find new creative ways to ravish myself. I will relish my life. I will not let anyone take the one chance for this experience of life away from me.

I believe that pleasure makes us strong rather than weak. That is shows us what is worth our struggle and why we might appreciate being born at this time, into the life we have been given. Delight is not superficial and ecstasy is not an indulgence. They are our life blood pumping though us.

How about you? Will you let your pleasure transform you?

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