So often we approach our relationship to our body from a place of judgment and striving. We look at our body from the perspective of an external critic – how does my body look, what size does it fit into, how is it performing? But our body has so much more to offer us, if we approach it with different eyes, a different mind. So today I invite you to approach your body more like a poet or like an adventurer of the senses. Explore your body in a new creative way. Believe that it really is worthy of odes, sonnets, time and attention. Think of this as an imaginative scavenger hunt…
Please find:
What part of your body has the texture of a rose petal just unfurled? What place on your body crackles like lightening? Where are you cool and smooth like a pebble polished by river water? Where does your body flicker like beating wings? Where do you feel like a dandelion waiting for a breath to be blown apart? What part of your body could be best described as sweet like candy? What part of your body would be described as salty like the inside of a shell?
What kind of touch would polish your body to a shine like it was preparing a sacred altar? How would you touch yourself like a shadow of a cloud on a sunny day? How can you touch yourself like ice cream dripping down the side of a cone? What kind of touch feels like bubbling water in a fountain? If your touch left trails of colored paint on your body, what designs would you make?
What else do you find when you truly explore? Who do you want to share these discoveries with?
Here is a link to a video I did for YourTango's Experts. In it, I talk about who is responsible for getting a partner to orgasm and how sharing the responsibility will make for a happier sexual relationship.
I hope you enjoy the video and share it with online friends !
http://www.yourtango.com/2013174722/who-is-responsible-for-your-orgasm?utm_source=YourTango+Daily+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4c8affab15-YTNewsletter_A_B_02201302_202013&utm_medium=email
Synonyms for Wildness from online source dictionary,com:
1. undomesticated, untamed, unbroken; ferocious. 4. barbarian, savage. 5. tempestuous, stormy, frenzied, turbulent. 6. boisterous. 7. insane. 9. self-willed, riotous, unrestrained, wayward. 10. uncontrollable. 12. reckless, rash, extravagant, impracticable. 13. grotesque, bizarre, strange, fanciful. 14. unkempt.
I believe we humans have an innate need for wildness. Not the “wildness” associated with drunk 20-somethings taking their tops off for a new reality TV show, but the wildness of freedom from being civilized, the wildness of nature. Our bodies yearn to be unrestrained by stiff chairs, pinching clothes, and polite postures. Our voices fight to let loose yells and yips and deep throated sighs. We want to see things growing without cultivation from unlikely ground. Our senses crave full reign over us, to not have the mind be running the show. Our instincts are saying, let us lead.
But notice the many negative connotations to wildness listed above. There is a fear of what will happen if we are truly connected to wildness – we might become savage, reckless, rash, uncontrollable, even grotesque and strange. Oh dear. This privileging of the civilized has been around a long time now. We literally and figuratively build walls to keep up from the power of the natural world. And it really impacts our sex lives. Wildness is a source for our sexual desire and natural sexual expression. Have you tried having sex without letting yourself get “unkempt” (come on you know you have)? It’s not very fun. Sex doesn’t always have to be sweaty or loud and it certainly doesn’t have to feel uncontrollable, but having those potentials is a part of the aliveness of sex.
What does wildness mean to you? When do you feel most connected with the untamed parts of yourself? How can you let a little bit more of that show up for your sexuality?
What are you going as this Halloween? This time of year many of us experience a new sense of energy and excitement from planning a costume and then the performance of wearing it. Why can this feel like such a confidence booster? And why do we still look forward to it so much?
Costumes can give us a chance to literally try on a new personality. We walk differently, see the world though different eyes (or masks), we approach people differently – Because of this we feel things more intensely. The novelty of playing a new role opens us up to feeling our body in a new way. Maybe being limited by an awkward coat of armor doesn’t seem sexy on the surface but if it allows us to be more aware of how we move and to think more creatively about interacting with the world, that can feel sexy. Even within a giant pumpkin costume, you might be able to move with more freedom or stop worrying about looking stylish, which might open up a new way of being. Getting dressed or applying makeup causes us to look at ourselves with different criteria than we usually judge by and we may find something unexpected to like about ourselves. And most importantly, we interact with other people in new ways, shaking up old patterns that we have fallen into with each other.
Breaking out of our normal role brings an aliveness that feels good and it can awaken our sexuality. Depending on the character you are trying on, you may be more playful, assertive, silly, confidant, secretive or anything else. So how can you bring that energy to your sex life without waiting for a holiday? First I invite you to remember that anything you can do in costume, you can do in the bedroom –so long as your partner is on board. Maybe you already use role play and/or costumes as a part of your sexual play. But even if that doesn’t interest you, you can bring elements of a costume to your sexual self. Use your costumed persona this year as a way to strengthen a part of yourself – play at being more powerful, practice being silly, move like a goddess, act as though you have the power to cast a spell on someone. As you allow these parts to come out one night, you can allow them to come out other nights as well. This isn’t being fake or playing a part, it is expanding who you can be.
Sexuality can thrive on novelty and risk. Don’t reserve your risk taking for one night of the year. Commit to trying out new sides of yourself and to showing up in new ways with your partner often. You may be surprised at how well the risk pays off.